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Ten Steps to Communicate Effectively with Your Children

Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.
       - Virginia Satir

  • Set a time each day to talk to and get to know your children. Good times to talk are in the car on the way to school or at the dinner table. Have meals together as a family as often as possible.
  • Encourage your children to talk to you. Be supportive, accepting, non- judgmental and understanding, without encouraging self-destructive behaviors, of course. Listen more than you talk. Make eye contact. Smile when appropriate.
  • Stimulate curiosity and imagination by asking thought-provoking questions about your children’s opinions and values on various issues. Include your children in family discussions.
  • Express love and affection frequently. Hug and touch your children, no matter how old they are. Keep your sense of humor. Avoid criticism, sarcasm, and hurtful teasing.
  • Be honest and patient with your children. Be accepting and consistent. Admit when you are wrong and apologize when appropriate.
  • Relax and have fun with your children. Engage in activities that everyone might enjoy such as taking a walk, cooking, playing games, and visiting museums. Choose activities that include chances to talk. If you go to a film together, go out to eat before or after.
  • Work to understand their questions. Ask for more information and draw them out. Their viewpoints, though different, can be valuable and thought-provoking for you, too.
  • Remember how it felt to be their age. Growing up can be difficult and confusing. Educate yourself on issues that children face, such as drugs and sex. Know what they are watching, reading, and listening to.
  • Let them know you respect their point of view, taking the time to explain how you feel, listening to and respecting their opinions. Don’t interrupt.
  • Encourage children to see the best in themselves and recognize their unique potential. Help build their self-esteem by supporting their interests and giving positive feedback and praise through encouraging words.

Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.
       - Kim Rohn

 

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by Sung Ah Kim, Hearts and Minds volunteer

This web page and entire website © Copyright: 1997 - 2007 by Hearts and Minds Network, Inc.
http://www.heartsandminds.org/kids/steps.htm - online August 13, 2003,  latest text changes April 11, 2006.

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